The Journey of Becoming.
We are all living in the tension of who we are right now versus who we are created to be. It is in this middle ground that we are each becoming.
Becoming, by definition, is to “begin to be; grow to be; develop into.”
Recently I have found myself sitting in the heaviness and frustration of the not-quite-there-yet—the gap between who I am today and who I know I could be hitting me like a tonne of bricks.
Even as I write this, I feel that same tension. Putting these words out into the world feels exposing. I don’t feel polished enough, or wise enough, or like I have anything good to say on the subject. A part of me wonders if people will see straight through me. But maybe that’s the point… I’m not writing from a place of arrival, but from the messy middle. And the messy middle can feel overwhelming, even excruciating at times. The discouragement of how far there still is to go, the sense that the version of me I know exists inside remains just beyond reach. In moments like these, it can be hard to notice the growth that has already taken place. Instead, I tend to feel stuck—caught between knowing I’m capable of more and wondering if I’ll ever actually get there.
Perhaps at times you have felt that way too. To that, I say—welcome to what it means to be human—this tension is all part of our growing pains.
Right as we speak, we are each undergoing formation. Not only shaped by our past experiences, upbringing, and environments, but also by our present thoughts, habits, and relationships. Who we are becoming is continually unfolding. In other words, we are being transformed day by day.
But who exactly are we becoming? And who defines who that is?
Michelle Obama shares a view in her memoir Becoming that I feel resounds with culture today:
“If you don’t get out there and define yourself, you’ll be quickly and inaccurately defined by others.”
This is the posture of our age, isn’t it? Identity is self-made, and becoming is up to us. I know this well—I’ve lived it, chasing self-improvement, reinvention, or control in the hope that life would feel more secure. The promise is that if we define ourselves, we hold a power that no one else can take away.
But in the end, these pursuits are only surface fixes for the deeper longings of the soul.
They leave us restless, never fully satisfied, and often more confused in the endless search for who we are. The problem runs deeper still: our hearts are inconsistent and unreliable. What feels right one day may feel empty the next; our desires shift with culture, circumstances, and fleeting wants. Instead of the peace we’re promised, the pursuit of a self-made identity often ends in exhaustion.
Of course, we have a part to play in our growth. But if we see ourselves as the only conduit of change, we quickly discover our limitations. Striving, by experience, can only take us so far. And so, if self-definition leaves us restless, maybe the question isn’t just who we are becoming, but who we allow to define us.
Scripture points us to these two truths:
Our real identity and life is hidden in God (Colossians 3:3).
We need God’s grace to become the fullness of who we are (Ephesians 2:8–10).
This shifts the whole conversation. Instead of exhausting ourselves trying to define and redefine who we are, we can simply position ourselves to learn who we are from the one who created us. Identity then is not something we need to forge or achieve, but receive from God. With it, we discover a foundation that doesn’t change with our moods, mistakes, or the tides of culture. And by His grace, we’re not left alone to keep reinventing ourselves—He shapes us into who we were created to be.
For me, all my striving to figure out who I am never truly satisfied me. I chased freedom, wholeness, and peace through self-help books, soul-searching, and trying to “have fun”—but nothing stuck. It wasn’t until I turned to the One who knows me better than I know myself that the pieces began falling into place. My attempts at transformation through sheer effort have failed again and again—but in that space, I’ve come to know the divine Helper, the Spirit of God, working within me and empowering me to become who I am truly created to be. (And am still becoming!)
Instead of “finding ourselves,” if we fix our eyes on Jesus we will become the truest version of ourselves—just as Scripture beautifully paints:
“…our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.” (2 Corinthians 3:18 MSG)
Becoming, then, is really the process of transformation—the steady unveiling of who we were always meant to be.
May we find the courage not to waste our time becoming what the world tells us to be, or what our selfish desires push us toward, or anything we are not. Instead, may we choose to become who we already are in Him. Perhaps you’re reading this and you know and trust God and believe He has big things in store for you—but discouragement has crept in, and your season of “in process” feels long and wearing. Friend, may I encourage you that while the road requires both movement and mystery, even in the messy middle, we have this hope:
“He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)
FBC x x